Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
