So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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