I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
