Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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