And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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