So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I supernannyed him into submission
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
