awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
