Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
