So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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