We won't sleep together?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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