Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
