Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
