the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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