So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
they call him Oral-B. enough said
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
