Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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