Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
