some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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