Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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