Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
