I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
