I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
