I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
