TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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