I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
