when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
