i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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