Need sex. Gaining weight.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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