She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Randomize
