I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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