I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
