Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
