I haven't been this sober since birth.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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