not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
