Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
