There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
