Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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