fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
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