Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
