I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You are a genius and a whore.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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