I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
