I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
