Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
