K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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