Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
