I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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