I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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