I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
