soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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