Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
