he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
