...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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