Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
