either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
