True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
