I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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