So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
