I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
