i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
