At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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