I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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