Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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