i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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