Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
