bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
