There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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